TOADTalk by Mr. Mieszczanski: Calling All Moms

My original plan was to talk about the merits of the Horse Program and how I will become Mr. Schryver’s protégé as I prepare for the next Intergalactic Ultimate Horse Riding Championship Tournament of Heroes… but that wouldn’t get us very far. So here we go on another topic.

 

I was on the phone yesterday for an hour and twenty-one minutes and 13 seconds talking to a number of very special ladies. Although when it comes to texting I can go all day with countless people, to have me talking on the phone engaged and enthusiastic for that period of time without falling asleep or wanting to throw my phone into a tub of water is an incredible feat. This happened yesterday because it was Mother’s Day, and I am fortunate to have many special ladies in my life who have impacted my upbringing in a positive way. Mother’s Day for the Mieszczanski immediate and extended family means about 25 people in total under one roof telling stories, reliving old memories, and teaching. Not being there in person meant that I listened over the phone, but there was never a dull moment, and even at the “know it all” age of 23 I am still able to learn.

 

I come from a family of educators, scary actually. My dad was a teacher for 35 years, my mother is in her 27^th year teaching, my grandma was a teacher, my aunt is a principal, my sister is a teacher, my little brother is soon to be teaching, and all four of my godparents are teachers at some level, all in addition to the numerous teachers and professors that are part of my “extended” family. This means a never ending supply of lectures on life, the behavior and antics of terrible kids in the classroom, and how in a no holds barred streetfight with their choice of weapons they would have handled a variety of situations if they did not have to have the kids delivered safely to their parents at the end of the day. But not only as educators: as parents, brothers, sisters, and friends, there is always that teachable moment where even amidst the craziness of the story or the seriousness of the situation, there is something to be learned from it.

 

Being at Thacher, you may not realize this as students, but these teaching moments are happening all around you. It is more obvious when discussing a JC case or sitting one on one with your advisor talking about life in your dorm, but it’s the little things going on around us that I believe resonate just as strongly even though they may be understated. The majority of this comes from the simple fact that we are all living here together, so even outside of the classroom without even overtly noticing it, there is teaching and subsequently learning going on every minute of the day. When speaking to adults, students are implored to look them in the eye and project their voice. When sitting at the formal dinner table we don’t even think about how we wait our turn for the opportunity to politely ask to take our portion or get more food. Even with the pets on campus, each animal is treated and looked after by each person as if it was his or her own. And especially with all the young children around, whether you like it or not, we are all learning about sound parenting practices, students and young faculty alike.  There are surely specific moments that stand out: like Mrs. Carney watching T like a hawk as she barrels towards the corner of the salad bar with her no-look walk, or listening to Mr. Hooper explain to his boys why "forma dinner"l is not code for "let's learn how to tattoo my name into the table with a knife" time, but rather your platform to tell one awesome knock-knock joke. Sure, we may take some of these examples for granted, but if these behaviors were not part of our everyday life here, we would probably be doing things differently, and likely in a way that is less becoming.

 

I would argue that although striking moments can be a catalyst for a significant learning experience, it is the body of work so to speak (how we consistently carry ourselves) that both defines and embodies what is teachable, and consequently what is able to be learned by those around us. I agree with the well known notion that in great moments of adversity true character is shown, but it does not come out of thin air. Best practices must in fact be practiced.

 

This is where my thoughts on Mother’s Day come in. I can think of countless moments where I was an idiot and my mom checked me, or when I was disrespectful and was punished for it, or when just before I could make my move she just shot me “the look” because she knew what was coming. For the women in my life, who on this one day may get recognized more than any other, and a little extra spent on them (12 ladies got cards and/or flowers), it is worth it considering all that they have signified for me. I am who I am today and know who I want to be not only because in situations when I messed up there was a teaching moment to be had, but because it was these women, but most notably my mother’s constant care and demeanor, that modeled those honorable qualities always. She is kind, generous, and selfless not only towards me, but towards others she encounters that likely don’t deserve it. But she is also tough as nails, a proud and protective mother to those close to her, and simply put, as Yo-yo labeled the famous song, “Mama don’t take no mess.” She is the kind of person, friend, child, and parent that I strive to be. This does not come from one moment or even a few that stand out in my memory, but it comes from an entire life of watching my mom exude character, grit, and grace, and having no choice but for it to rub off on me at least a little bit. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to live up to what she has been for me, but for you all in this community and for my own kids when I have them in the future, I know I’ll try.

 

For me, Mother’s Day is a chance to pay tribute not only to my mom, but to all of the role models in my life that have influenced me in a positive way not in moments, but by consistently having their good character on display. So whether it has been your mom, a teacher, a friend, say thanks not only for a moment that will stick with you, but for the constant example and support that has impacted you. In a few years you may find yourself looking back and realizing that you had one of these people in your life and you didn’t know it, which is ok, but I urge you to be a little more perceptive now of the little things that people do around you, and be thankful for them doing their best to show the way for you to do the same. At Thacher, living amongst accomplished, intelligent, and passionate adults, you have many examples to look to, so I urge you to not only say thanks for what you have taken away from that time you have spent with them here so far, but do your best to have those good qualities be part of how you live your life now and into the future. Also, if this is your reminder that yesterday was Mother’s Day, I suggest you call home and begin that conversation with a nice apology for forgetting…

 

So even though I utterly despise spending extended amounts of time on the phone, for Mom and the army of folks that helped get me to where I am today and to have an understanding where I want to be, I'll do that--and anything else.